One small step.....

Yesterday I received an email stating the following:

"I'm pleased to inform you that a poem you entered in firstwriter.com's Fourth International Poetry Competition has been selected as one of ten Special Commendations. You can see the winners and a list of the Special Commendations (including your selected poem) at http://www.firstwriter.com/competitions
/poetry_competition/previous_winners/4thpoetry.shtml.

Your poem will be published in a future issue of firstwriter.magazine. At that time, you will receive a firstwriter.com voucher worth £20 / $30."


This is my first real success, and I'm not sure how to react to it. I can't quite shake the feeling that there may only have been 13 entries to the competition in total, and I came 13th! But it looks like things are on an upward swing, and I'm feeling very excited, positive and motivated. I am starting to believe that I can actually do this....

(PS: I write under a pseudonym, so you won't recognise my name on the list of commendations. I'm so very very shy, you see......)

I have just discovered, and am now hooked on, this website, by author Kate Harrison (gotta love a woman called Kate!). It was recommended in an article in Mslexia magazine (a source of invaluable information to me) in an article on blogging which appeared just about the time I was setting up my blog. This is one of the things I love about writing and creative processes, the synchronicity that pops up out of nowhere and convinces you that you're on the right creative path. There's been a tonne of these recently, and yes I am digressing, but its all very circular, so I'll end up back where I started by the end of this post...

...Anyway, I happened upon the Mslexia blogging article in synchrony with my decision to start blogging as a route to developing a degree of writing rigidity, and since I've started my blog I've been looking at other to see what sort of things other people are doing. Now, I compulsively check Stephanie Klein's blog (Greek Tragedy) , partly because she's become one of the most successful bloggers, with a huge following and a book deal in the bag, but partly also because I am intrigued by the emotional nudity of it. I know it's probably a transatlantic culture gap, but I am sometimes surprised that someone would lay themselves so publicly bare. Sometimes I have to look away. But that's by the by. I noted recently that Stephanie was writing about the many unfinished creative projects she has started, and moves on to say that "I have more books on how to write than books written by actual proper authors. Though this has changed lately. I read more now, not about writing, but actual writing." (http://stephanieklein.blogs.com/greek_tragedy/2006/02/obsession.html). That stopped me dead in my tracks. Read it again: she has MORE books about writing than not about writing!

Then I started to think about how many books I own about writing. At a rough estimate I'd say I have about 20 of them. I have never finished a single one of them, and a fair few of them have never been opened. So why do I keep buying them? I buy them because I remain convinced that somewhere, in one of these books lies the Holy Grail of authorly success, the secret that will catalyse the creation of my magnum opus and catapult me into the literary stratosphere. Obviously as I never read past page 12 of these books this secret will need to be absorbable via a process of osmosis, but my faith in finding this sneaky little short cut has soldiered on unabated. Clearly all published and successful writers have unpicked the lock and gorged themselves on this feast of a secret [mixing my metaphors much?!], and they are jealously guarding it from us "little people".

Since I caught the blogging bug I have been obsessively reading other writer's blogs, thinking this may be an alternative route route to unearthing the big, bad writing secret. So I was relieved to read that Kate Harrison also "spent almost as much time surfing the web reading other authors’ success stories, as I did writing the book. It was an addiction – I felt that it might somehow show me some secret strategy to find an agent and a publisher!" http://www.kate-harrison.com/

And actually, I have discovered the secret to writing success.

But, before I let you in on this tricky little enigma, can i just get you to think of those magazine headlines that scream out dirty promises such as "Weight loss secrets of the stars", "Revealed: the new diet that REALLY works", "Get into that dress! Fool proof slimming tips that blah blah blah blah!"? So you buy the magazine, rush home and tear it open and find that..... that it's your old friend, the "eat less, exercise more" equation? Well, the reason for that is that using up more calories than you take in is the only realistic way to lose weight. sad but true.

Ah yes, the writing secret. It goes like this (drum roll, please):

Write, read, edit. Repeat as necessary.

That's it. Get words onto the page. WRITE! You will never be a writer if you do not write. For what would they publish? Your grocery list? Write! It will be crap to start with. All first drafts are. And that's OK because no-one need ever see it. It is difficult, and embarrassing, but writing is words on a page and they ain't going to get there by themselves.

Lesson over. Now go and do something to make yourself proud.

Writer's blog

When I started blogging I had no real idea how to go about it. What would I write? Would people read it? How would I know if people read it? If no-one read it what was the point ~ vanity? fear of mortality? arrogance? If I did get any readers, would they be perturbed by the amount of rhetorical questions I posed? What would they do if they were perturbed? How would I know? Did it matter?

So, one day, after several months of skating around and rejecting the blog idea every time it tapped me on the shoulder and cleared its throat, I was struck with the idea of creating a hook to hang my blogging hat on. Rather than regale what could eventually become literally tens of people with details of my relationship woes, friendships dilemmas, & choices of lunch-time sandwich, I would tickle two birds with one feather and make my bog the story of my journey towards becoming a writer. This was quite the most original concept ever, an idea so damned spanking it had its own card in a SoHo phone booth ("do you like blogging? Attractive slim blog will do EVERYTHING and MORE! Reasonable rates, ring this number and prepare to be blogged every which way!"). It was a win-win-win situation: I would be incentivised to write regularly, what with the bells and whistles of flashy-splashy HTML being so much more enticing than my boring old journal and fountain pen. It's one of the few solitary pleasures that can be indulged at at work, without anyone knowing (list of others available on request...). I'd slowly but surely build up a steady fanbase, helpless to resist the satiny-like smoothness of my prose, my cap-askance quirky outlook and heeeelarious observations on the inconguity that is the monde du jour. And from there it would just be a hop, skip and a jump to the kind of publishing deal that would leave future generations asking "Stephanie Klein, who she?!"

It all seemed so darned easy, easy i tells ya.....

......and then I discovered that Richard Herring had had had the nerve to nick my idea before I had even bloody well thought of it.....

ah well, read his blog here:
http://www.richardherring.com/warmingup/

It's good.

And she's hooked to the silver screen

Life on Mars (?)

I'll admit it. I am totally obsessed with this show (BBC 1, Mondays at 9pm, but hurry cos there's only two more epiosdes to go!)

For those people who are, quite literally, Martians, it goes something like this: 2006 copper gets hit by a car & finds him self knocked slap-bang into the middle of 1973, nylon shirt and all. He is simultaneously existing in a coma in 2006, and is therefore kept pretty damned busy negotiating the minefield of questionable ethics and rule bending of the Manchester Met of thirty odd years ago, answering phone calls from 2006 via unplugged phones, fending off the (frankly terrifying and satanic) test card girl who seems hell-bent on talking him into death whenever he falls asleep (just as soon as she's shafted that pesky clown by blocking his third nought on the diagonal) and contemplating showing his night-stick to the comely WPC Annie. Golly.

And as if all that weren't enough, there's the curiously monikered, beer-swilling, bird-leering, suspect-bashing DCI Gene Hunt, a prehistoric behemoth in bell bottoms & y-fronts who is to forensic science what I am to, err, forensic science. (I secretly think he's Sam's dad, but that's another story). Oh, and is it very very wrong that I actually find him far more attractive than the rather anodyne, by-the-book, green tea drinking (probably) Sam? I swear I can smell the Brut.....

How do I love thee, Life on Mars; let me count the ways: I love the writing (funny, accurate, sharp, suspenseful), the characterisation, the acting, the narrative, i love 1973 (the year I was born, which means that sadly whilst Sam may wander past a boyhood version of himself I'll never be spotted moseying past in my pram, as the time frame apears to be in the early half of the year, if references to the Grand National & the Manchester Derby are flagging realtime, so I am not yet born. And didn't ever live in Manchester. Hey ho...). Most of all I love the music. 1973 saw two of my favourite albums from a favoured artist (David Bowie: Aladdin Sane, featuring the song that changed my life, The Jean Genie, & Hunky Dory, the latter bearing the title track of the show) , and each episode sports a tie-dyed rainbow of rockign tunes by the lies of The Who, Thin Lizzy, Roxy Music, Cream. Ooh, and the trailer! Immigrant Song by the Zep, never the wrong choice!

Well done, Auntie Beeb, with Life on Mars and Doctor Who you are truly spoiling us with delectable TV drama. Now if only we could find a way for Sam to bump into the Doctor, eh?

Blockbuster indeed.

talk to the hand....

Overheard in New York

(www.overheardinnewyork.com)

I cannot recommend this website highly enough (along with its sister site Overheard in the Office). Since I first stumbled upon this a year or so ago I have read it with zeal. Maybe its because I, like so many of my peers, have been brought up to believe that there is nothing hipperthan a Noo Yawk ‘tude, but the reported snatches of conversation are by turns funny (intentionally or otherwise), frightening, surreal, enlightening and curious. One side-effect of the writerly affliction is a tendency to eavesdrop on others: it helps tune the ear to the cadences and incongruity of naturally occurring conversation, gives you an insight into the banal and bizarre happenings of individuals lives, and may just unearth that anecdote which sparks or redirects your next narrative.

A few of my favourites, all credits to Overheard in New York (www.overheardinnewyork.com):

November 05, 2004
Sadly, This Isn't Fiction Either

Woman: Do you have a non-fiction section?

Book guy: Well, everything that's not fiction is non-fiction. [Over] there's cooking, and there's history.

Woman: No, that's not what I asked. Do you have a section for non-fiction?

Book guy: Well, there are no non-fiction novels. Everything here that's not a novel is non-fiction.

Woman: But you don't have a non-fiction section?

Book guy: No. Everything that isn't fiction is non-fiction.

Barnes & Noble, Staten Island

Overheard by: Dr. Ballon

July 14, 2005
Pissed Off v. Pissed On (Worst Aesop's Fable Ever)

A handicapped client has had to be restrained for assaulting a staff.
Co-worker #1: Your behaviour was completely out of line. You hit me, tried to bite me and pissed all over my leg. How would you like it if I pissed on you if I was angry at you?

Client: I wouldn't like it.

Co-worker #1: Hey [Jake], when you are angry at your girlfriend, do you piss all over her and try to bite her?

Co-worker #2: No, I don't. We talk things out and listen to each other. Why did you piss on us during the restraint?

Client: You guys were not listening to me.

2a Ormonde Avenue, St. Catharines, Ontario, Canadia

July 06, 2005
Wednesday One-liners for the Kiddies

Girl: Mommy, what's the opposite of hair?

86th & Broadway
Overheard by: Stuart Weisberg


Boy: Mommy, how many hours are in a mile?

44th & 8th
Overheard by: BBW

May 07, 2005
Presenting Our Catch Phrase for the Day

Woman #1: Ah, look at those beautiful puppies.
Woman #2: Puppies are bullshit.
Bay Ridge

You make me feel like writing....

What's lovely is that I don't have to panic. Usually, on the verge of a No 1 record - which is what I think this is going to be - I'd have been a basket-case. I'd have been under sedation. But I'm 57. I've been there before. I'm really happy with my life: this is all a bonus anyway. You have to admire the Madonnas and the Eltons, who keep managing to make themselves popular, although I personally wouldn't want to go on a TV show with Eminem, or write a sex book, and I mean that in the nicest way. People like me and Cliff are patient and wait for the opportunities. I'm like a painter, who tries to amass a large amount of material, so when the retrospective is held, there's a lot of work there to be judged. Meanwhile, I enjoy a sort of freedom inside fame. I don't get spotted.

Leo Sayer, talking to Oliver Burkeman in The Guardian 8/2/06
http://www.guardian.co.uk/g2/story/0,,1704762,00.html .

This really cheered me up ~ I am inexplicably warmed to see Leo Sayer making a comeback. Not just because he's an all-singing, all-dancing, fun-sized pop minstrel, but because he has such a positive attitude, even after all those years without a great deal of commercial success. "I'm like a painter, who tries to amass a large amount of material, so when the retrospective is held, there's a lot of work there to be judged": he's playing the long game, focussing on the work and not the fame. That's one of the reasons I enjoyed reading this so much today ~ a reminder to me to focus on amassing a substantial body of quality work, rather than chasing that elusive publishing deal or competition win. Truth will out, and in the end work worthy of reconition will be recognised. And so says Leo. All together now:"You've got a cute way of talking..."

******************

Got some feedback on a piece I submitted to Jacqui Bennett Writers Bureau (http://www.jbwb.co.uk/ ~ recommended), and although I didn't make into the competition "mentionables" the critique I requested made interesting reading. I feel the ned to request critiques of this type as I am far too chicken to present my stuff to someone face to face (and far far too terrified to take the resultant criticism with a non-wobbling lip). It's a story I've been hawking around for a while (mainly because it's one of the few complete pieces I have!), and I have taken the comments on board, rewritten and tweaked where necessary and resubmitted it to a further competition. After that it will be time to put the old war-horse out to grass once and for all, but the lessons I am learning from the feedback is definately helping me to tone and tighten the unslightly bulges and flab.

On the plus side I was told that "Your story is written in a way that quickly draws the reader in to become involved [...]. That is important, for character-identification is such an important ingredient." However, "I did find [...] that several aspects are over-described and would benefit from some pruning." Me! Over-wordy! Fie on you!

Working lunch

Offices. We all know that what passes for coruscating badinage in the soul-sapping abyss of the average office bears little relation to anything that could realistically be termed "interesting conversation" in any other circumstances, but can anyone explain why the following must occur on a daily basis:

1) Someone answers the phone with "Good Afternoon" instead of "Good Morning", and is instantly met with a guffawing chorus of "I wish it was!".

2) You ask someone if they want a drink (of the tea/coffee variety) and are met with "Yeah, I'll have a gin & tonic ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha................." (particularly popular after 3:30pm on a Friday)

3) Drinking a glass of water evokes a chorus of "Oooooh! De-toxing are you?? Few too many last night, eh? Eh? De-toxing, eh?" Repeat to fade.....


And why is lunch ("is it almost time for lunch?", "what are you having for lunch?", "I don't know what I fancy for lunch", "maybe I'll work through lunch", etc, etc, etc) a source of perpetual fascination for all office hostages? Maybe it used to be the most exciting part of the working day, but with non-stop internet access feely available at your desk there's got to be something more to office life than egg savoury sandwiches?