By Gum!

Last night I saw the single most terrifying TV advert of my life.

No, not the one with the "juddery man", or the scary BBC digital heads, or the drink-driving ones. This was an advert for anti-ageing toothpaste. Yes, indeed. Some glossy-maned "mature" lady (i.e. over 25, but probably under 40, this is TV land after all) snips how she doesn't mind the odd wrinkle or grey hair (she is, ironically, botoxed up the the hairline of her expensively highlighted Jemima Khan 'do) but when her gums started to age, well stone the crows but that was a stage too far!

Luckily some science boffins have had the foresight to invent anti-ageing toothpaste, which improves gum health by a wholly unquantifiable (here comes the science bit) "73%". 73% of what, exactly? And can we expect that soon cosmetic dentists will come forward with a further six symptoms of haggard gums, seeing as how there are a whole seven signs of ageing skin (cheers Mr Olay) and seven unsightly signs of unhealthy hair (kudos, Pantene)?

Which part of our rapidly decaying selves will be next to be hauled under the microscope for intense scrutiny and declared unfit for public view due to its failure to defy the laws of phsyics and temporal progression? Don't know about anyone else, but my inner ear canal is nowhere near as pink and perky as it was when I was 21. Gap in the market, eh?